School is better when your child is here

School refusal

Victorian data reveals that the rates of school refusal grew by 50 per cent in the three years leading up to 2021. School refusal refers to a student or young person refusing to attend day-to-day activities and tasks during school hours. This can be due to anxiety-based problems remaining in class (e.g., separation, generalised or social anxiety). It can present as extended absences, periodic absences, or missed classes, with the student experiencing intense dread about school that precipitates future non-attendance. School refusal can be incredibly challenging for the parent or carer of the student and strain relationships or home life. This is why it is important to understand how to mitigate the underlying factors of school refusal behaviour to increase the student and family’s quality of life.

Underlying factors of school refusal

School refusal has four different behavioural functions:

1. Avoidance of emotionally aversive (i.e., anxiety-provoking) situations

2. Escape from socially evaluative situations

3. Pursuit of attention from parents and significant others

4. Pursuit of reinforcement outside of school

It is also important to note that lower attendance exacerbates the worry and fear of returning to school due to falling behind in classwork.

Red flags of school refusal

• Frequent requests to go to sick bay.

• Frequent requests to call home or go home during the day.

• Absences on significant days (e.g., days of tests, speeches, or physical education classes).

• Absences on days that have fallen on Mondays, after holidays, after school camps or sports days.

Strategies parents can use with their young person.

A large body of research shows that the authoritarian approach can negatively impact students refusing school. Forcing or punishing students for school refusal may lead to lower self-esteem, increased difficulty in forming relationships, and lowered independence, therefore increasing school refusal behaviour. Talking with the young person promotes understanding. The more we understand, the more we can help. Parents could use prompts and questions such as;

• "If you were the principal of this school, what changes would you make?"

• "You tell me what needs to happen for you to return to school."

• Have them define the pace of school re-entry and how it happens after discussing the pros and cons of the options.

• Parents could allow them to have a "trump card" of one mental health day every four weeks of school to use (equivalent to sick leave allowed in a workplace).

Rebuilding Trust with the School

Having someone consistent from the school, such as the mentor teacher or student well-being staff, communicating with the young person and family helps build trust and a bridge between school and home. Effective intervention requires the same person to connect with the student & their family on an ongoing basis.

Chores

If the young person is convincing enough to stay home, parents could ask the young person to assist with household and shopping chores. Getting the young person out into the community by helping with the shopping can keep students from feeling isolated as they may feel when staying at home.

Gaming

If the young person plays video games at night, disconnecting the internet at a specific time may be practical. If students claim they need a phone to wake up on time, parents could provide them with a clock or a phone (just not their own). The aim is not to ignite a battle at home. The aim is to make staying at home as dull as possible. It is hard to be fearful & bored at the same time.

Establish a morning and evening routine.

Having a routine in place can help give your teen a sense of stability which keeps things predictable. Sit down with them, work out goals, and schedule them into the student planner provided by the school. Consider including relaxation techniques in this schedule, such as breathing exercises or meditation, an effective intervention for reducing anxiety.

Return to school plan

A return-to-school plan aims to help the student and their parents or carers to reflect and consider strategies and resources that may be helpful during this time. Return plans serve as an information-gathering starting point and allow students to mobilise their own responsibility. The school and family members review these plans to understand what is and what is not working.

What about parents?

Common feelings for parents and carers

Being the parent or carer of a teen who refuses to go to school can be emotionally challenging; It is important to acknowledge feelings and seek help now. Common feelings have shown to be:

• fear and worry about your teen's future

• sadness for your teen

• loneliness and isolation

• guilt that you're not doing 'enough.'

• confusion about what to do

• Anger and frustration

Self-care tips for parents and carers

Dealing with school refusal can pressure parents, carers and other family members. It is also essential to take care of yourself, which will help you support your teen through this challenging time. It will also model to your teen how important it is to practice self-care and stay healthy. The best self-care is the kind you enjoy. Make self-care a habit, even for only five to ten minutes daily. Self-care could be exercising, listening to music, meditation and mindfulness, or catching up with friends.

Overall, it is important to equip yourself with the support available along this Journey. School refusal does not just occur alone. There will always be underlying factors contributing to the behaviour. The best way we can respond to these factors is with a curious mind and persistent action in a compassionate way.

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