Thinking outside the 'man box'

First published inThe Age 16.10.2018, written by Anna Prytz

On nights out at uni, Patrick Malone (Saint Ignatius College Alumni Class of 2013) would see his peers drink too much, start fights and harass girls. He would see them full of anger they didn’t know what to do with and sometimes even felt confused by his own feelings.

‘‘If things build up, and I’ve experienced it myself, you express anger and you’re like ‘whoa, where did that come from?’ ’’

Men, he says, ‘‘haven’t had the tools’’ to express how they feel.

Experts say too many men – like Mr Malone’s friends – are at risk of ending up in the ‘‘man box’’, hemmed in by the belief that men should be unemotional, hypersexual, physically tough, stoic and in control.

A study from Jesuit Social Services reveals the damage this causes, including suicidal thoughts, violence and dangerous driving.

The organisation surveyed 1000 men aged 18-30 across a broad social spectrum and found-two thirds of respondents said they felt pressure from society to act a certain way. Within that group, a third agreed they should conform to expectations.

Jesuit Social Services chief executive Julie Edwards said this ‘‘significant minority’’ of men were considered to be in what her team have tagged the ‘‘man box’’.

Instances of violent, sexist and risk-taking behaviour were markedly higher among this group compared with other men and 44per cent of them had had suicidal thoughts in the past fortnight.

Forty-six per cent had made sexual comments to an unknown woman in a public place in the past month compared with 7 per cent of those outside the man box.

Thirtyeight per cent had been in a traffic accident in the past year compared with 11 per cent in the other group.

Nearly half had perpetrated physical bullying in the past month. ‘‘We’ve learnt that the more strongly you’re in the man box, the more likely you are to be not going well,’’ Ms Edwards said.

At Brunswick’s Brosnan Centre men and women are meeting to help tackle the problem.

As part of its Men’s Project, Jesuit Social Services is running workshops, research projects and intervention programs to help men find a way out of the man box.

Mr Malone, 23, recently completed a modelling respect and equality workshop, which gave him practical tools for calling out mates’ inappropriate behaviour.

Another organisation looking to start tackling the problem is The Man Cave. Founder Hunter Johnson said its programs worked with boys from the age of 12.

‘‘We’ve found guys want to talk about what’s going on in their life, [but] just don’t have the language or the spaces to do it and that’s what we provide,’’ he said.

The father of a young son, Men’s Project ambassador and Sydney Swans captain Josh Kennedy agrees that seeing good examples is the key.

‘‘Have someone you look up to, that you want to try to be like, tap into that person,’’ he said.

‘‘I’ve felt in my experiences dealing with challenges, whatever they may be, you always feel better after talking to someone.’’ He said he could feel the culture changing even within the male-dominated AFL.

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Anna Prytz